goddamngrenades | LEGION INBOX

Sure. [ Any distraction for whatever his younger, dumber self did- or the sergeant that is still kicking him int he back of the head, would be fantastic. ] You want me to come to you, or do you wanna come to the bar?

The bar. I need a drink.

I'll have a cold one waiting for you.

[He shows up a few minutes later, in full armor because he's Wash, and heads in the door without knocking. York knows he's coming. It's fine.]

Hey.

...Generally I have a no helmets in the bar rule. [ Generally. But- well. He sighs, shrugs, and waves Wash in. ] Lemme see if I have a crazy straw for you to use through the filter.

I'm not going to drink beer through a straw. Give me some credit.

[He takes his helmet off, takes a seat, and doesn't even try to poker face. There's definitely something on his mind.]

Man, you seem stressed so I'm not gonna knock any comfort gestures or coping mechanisms or what the hell ever. Older, Wiser, Slightly less of a jackass here, remember?

[ Beer in hand he pops the top and offers it over, pulling up a stool across from Wash. Something's up- but he'll give it a sip or two before prying. ]

[Wash just raises an eyebrow and knocks back a solid third of that beer in one go. He lowers the bottle and stares at it like it's got the goddamn answer to life itself printed on it somewhere, and his eyes don't leave the bottle when he speaks.]

I need you to promise me that you're not going to tell anyone about this. About what we talked about. About us talking about it at all. No one.

[ That's...concerning. But in the interest of being actually helpful and (again) not a jackass? He nods. ]

Gimme a sec? D, jamming protocol one.

[ Not like it can undo everything but it is a solid precaution against eavesdroppers- but he's not quite done. Taylor reaches back and pulls Delta's chip, setting it into storage for the moment by mutual agreement. ]

Okay. What's up?

[There's precautions and then there's that. What surprises Wash the most is York pulling Delta like it's no big deal - and really, maybe it isn't. They've gotten better at being independent. Huh.]

[Well, he doesn't have an excuse to stall any longer.]

I think I fucked up.

[That's really not a good place to pause - he knows just how many different scenarios can fit into those five words - so he pushes the next words out, even though he's still not prepared and still not entirely sure he wants to be here in the first place. Too late for that now.]

When all the time stuff was going on, we- Connie and I- [Dammit just spit it out] -I slept with Connie. We both wanted to, I just- [He gestures uselessly at the bar.] I don't know what to do now.

[It's not anywhere near the full picture, but it's a start.]

[ Not a word. Not a single word as he waits for the rest because there's more. There's always more and he can't say anything one way or another till he's got the rest of the data as it stands. He sits, sips his beer-

And tries not to choke at the rest of the data. There'd been that kind of vibe but he'd been so deep in trying to get Carolina that he hadn't paid enough attention. ]

...Well. I mean, you saw my Legacy, right? North and I are cool. [ Not at all connected or relative since there'd been booze involved but, goddamn. ] Y'all are still friends, it's totally possible for that to be a thing.

No, that's not- [He gestures uselessly again. York doesn't have the full picture, and at this point Wash is questioning whether or not he wants to provide it.] I mean, I still need to talk to her about it, but that's not really the problem. Or not the whole problem. Or-

[He makes a frustrated noise and goes back to his beer. This isn't working, and that's on him, and he knows it.]

It's awkward for more than just 'I had a thing for you in the past and let it go and now we're bros' reasons, isn't it? [ That'd be his guess, but the why of that awkwardness is still a mystery. There's a nebulously familiar equation at hand, he thinks, but there are still missing variables. ] You want me to guess? Cuz I can try to guess.

[Oh dear God.] No, I don't want you to guess. I-

[He what? Wants to lay it all out? Wants to take the realizations of a week ago and spread them out on the bar to be examined? Wants to set it in stone?]

[Nope. No. He can't. If he does that, then it's actually happening and he can't-]

[What he does do, completely and with an abrupt sinking feeling, is lose his nerve.]

I don't want to talk about it.

... [ There's not all that much to say to that, really. There's a missing variable, something important and-

Wash clams up. Every iteration of this conversation where he tries to pry more details out ends in shouting or Wash stalking off- he's about eighty percent certain of that. Also? He's trying to not be that guy anymore. To that end he...shrugs.

Sips his beer. ]

Okay. What do you wanna talk about then? DC do anything really cute lately?

Not really - I think he's just glad I'm back to normal.

[It's unenthused, nearly muttered into his beer. The fact that York is giving him an out is something of a small miracle in and of itself. He really should be jumping on that, but instead he's stuck in this conversation that he started and can't manage to pull himself out of. He needs to figure this out, he's having a hell of a time doing it alone, and York can help, but-]

[But once he says it, that's it. It's out there. It's happening, and he can't act like it's not.]

[He buries his face in his hands. Dammit, he's better than this.]

Look, if I say it, it's real, and then I... [He trails off and gives a frustrated sigh.] I don't know.

If it's not gonna get you or someone else killed and you're not ready to deal with it? Take your time and handle it when you can, you know, handle it without becoming a ball of anxiety over the idea of talk'n about it. [ Because dealing with things in a reasonable time frame is, apparently, a thing. Taking half a step back and trying to sort out if it's a thing you wanna deal with right now as opposed to later when you're more centered? Is a thing.

Therapy offering half decent perspective. Who the fuck knew? ]

No judgement zone here, man. You wanna say it? Okay. You wanna bail? Okay. But whatever it is you know I've got no room to look at you funny or give you shit over it cuz, again- you saw my Legacy. King of fuck'n it up right here.

Yeah, that's going to be never.

[Said without removing his head from his hands. Wash knows how he works - he's never not going to be a ball of anxiety about this, because it ends so poorly so often and there's not really any getting around that for him.]

[He's quiet for a few moments, thinking. York's had a stream of romantic insanity in his life - maybe he's fucked up like this before. Maybe he actually knows what to do. And isn't this what Wash came here to talk about in the first place?]

[Ah, hell.]

You ever sleep with someone when you loved someone else?

Yep.

[ Without missing a beat or even an ounce of shame. It happened he learned from it (kinda) and moved along with his life. Away from both parties because that's kinda how life happened. He takes another long swig from his beer and sits back, leveling Wash with a long look. ]

Question is- does the person you love know that you love 'em and are you in an active relationship. That changes things.

[Somehow, that's not surprising.]

[He doesn't look up. Doesn't remove his face from his hands.]

I doubt it and no.

Well now I know exactly what you're go'n through. [ Again, been there, done that, and it was...uncomfortable. Complicated. ] The only complicated part is that you and Connie weren't really...your current selves when it happened. The you that did this wasn't the you that's in love with someone else.

How is that the only complicated part?

[He hasn't talked with Connie yet, but he should be able to handle it okay. Dealing with his own damn emotions is, in his opinion, a hell of a lot more difficult.]

The only person you've cheated on here is yourself. Which doesn't exactly make it simple but- it's easier to tackle. When you sit down and think 'why did I do this when I feel another way', the only one holding you accountable? Is you.

[ Again, doesn't make it black and white but- does pare down the variables to something manageable. ]

First thing to figure out that involves anyone besides you is whether this has any bearing on how you feel about the person you love, if this is gonna keep you from telling them- or if you tell them how you feel if you wanna tell them about what's happened or if you wanna keep it all to yourself and quietly pine or box up that emotion to never ever be dealt with ever. Some of these things are healthier than others. All of 'em are valid.

I wasn't planning on telling him in the first place, or ever, so...

[He shrugs. It's only after he trails off that he realizes he let that pronoun slip. Dammit, he needs to keep a better lid on things-]

[But isn't he here to talk about it in the first place? Isn't that why he started this conversation?]

[He's not sure he knows anymore.]

Him? [ Connie had been ruled out by dint of being the other party in this little kerfuffle. The only other people wash is close to that's of age (and type if he had to take a swing and it is a broad goddamn swing since he knows not a lot about his preference) narrows the field somewhat-

But falling for a friend is a thing. He guesses? It can be a thing.

Probably not him so-

York shakes off the innate urge to puzzle this out. Wash'll tell him or he won't. ]

Well, man. That's your call. So all you have to figure out is how you feel about this and if you wanna forgive yourself for it. Personal accountability shit.

I mean, at least it's not master chief. That's be complicated as hell

Edited 2017-06-29 01:58 (UTC)

After time shenanigans; voice

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