goddamngrenades | LEGION INBOX

"No shit." Wash shakes York's hand off, suddenly irritated. It's that old habit rising to the surface again - deflecting any negative emotion sideways into anger, because anger is easier to handle - and he lets himself indulge, just a little bit. "I've been in love, and I've fallen out of love, and I've lost people, and sometimes, when I'm feeling productive, I do the latter two at the same time. I already know it's going to fucking suck - what I want to know how to induce it so I can just get it over with."

"...why the hell do you think I know how to do that? What, if any, part of my long, tragic, bullshit thing that never was with Carolina makes you think I know how to stop caring? I had to think she was dead to start getting over her." And then, hey, he died and wound up here. Full circle of bullets and bullshit, hurrah. "Trying to not care or feel shit is how the world ended up with Agent Fuck Truck New York in the first goddamn place so it's not something I really recommend."

There's an awful retort here that would take this into a full blown argument - something along the lines of you never wanted to stop caring about Carolina - but that's not what either of them needs, and Wash swallows it back down. He has better control than that.

So he takes another long pull of his beer and goes for the heart of the matter instead. "I don't want to stop caring - I just don't want to be in love. There's a difference."

"Lemme restate: Trying to do that is part of what made me, well. The asshole I was. Wanting Carolina was easier, safer, than loving her. Or. So I thought." If he cared, if he really trusted her, if he just let the damn thing happen and spoke like an adult and voiced his concerns and respected her instead of whatever the bullshit frat bro flirtation that could have but never led anywhere because his own foot tasted so damn good-

Things might've been different.

"But you are a better liar than I am so, hey. Talk yourself into it." He sits back with his beer, shrugging.

That's the difference between their approaches to life - York is fucking confident enough to go after what he wants and successful enough to get it, whereas Wash fails so damn often he has to be invested in order to try - it's not worth the risk just to want something.

But instead of voicing a word of that, Wash just gives York an unamused stare. "It doesn't work like that."

"No shit." He'd have saved himself a lot of pain if he'd been able to talk himself out of- well. Half of his life choices. "You're gonna have to know what to tell him when he notices shit. Cuz he will."

Well why the fuck did he suggest it if he knows it doesn't work? Wash huffs and moves on.

"He's not going to notice anything," he says with all the confidence of a seasoned liar. As far as he's concerned, there won't be anything to notice.

"You can't keep it up forever, man. And if you can? That's pretty fucking concerning." It's said without judgement, merely concern. And a return of the hand resting on his shoulder as he leans to rest an elbow on the bar. "Either way- you need somewhere to chill and feel things without worrying about it showing to someone that'll spill the beans? You can come here."

Wash just raises an eyebrow slowly. He had to learn to lie in order to survive; lying to maintain the status quo is nothing compared to that.

Still, he appreciates the offer - it's good to know he has someplace he can go if everything goes completely pear-shaped. "Thanks."

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