goddamngrenades | Voicemail

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I would not wanna raise kids on my own- I would fuck it up. I'd need a co-parent. I'd like to be married but I'm no longer under the illusion that either of those things- being married or a parent- is really ever going to happen to me. And I'm learning how to be okay with that.

[ He combs his fingers through Malcolm's hair, smile small but present. ]

You never know. [His own smile is soft, gentle.] A lot can change. It might happen.

In fact, would you ever consider children with me? I've always wanted to start a family, but it's been the same sort of deal with me. When you're a space marine or space naval officer, you don't really have the time for it.

I'm not asking to make some sort of big decision right now, but it's something nice to consider, isn't it?

Mal we're still dealing with the 'whether or not you're able to handle a relationship with a friend that also happens to be a dude'. Jumping to wanting kids or wanting to be married when we're still leveling out from that is a little hasty, don't you think?

[ Not that he doesn't have this low warm clench in his gut at the thought. A ring on his finger, Mal at his side wed legally, a kid to raise. ]

I um. I would, you know. If things were different down the line.

So that's a future 'I do'? [The hesitation doesn't seem to dissuade Malcolm, and hell, he even looks a little eager.] Even if it's hasty, what kind of time are we wasting here when we could have what we want? We love each other and want to be fathers. And we'd make especially sure that a child in our care would be safe. I can make you happy. Or I'd like to.

Wait-

[ He's told Mal he loves him. He's said it more than once and Mal's always- smiled a little or flinched like he'd hit him or stared at him like he was lost but this?

He didn'tk now this. This isn't- this can't be Mal as he is normally. Mal's never said it to him. Never mind gladly. For a moement his chest feels warm and his throat gets tight and everything is- perfect. They are in love. They are happy- but this isn't.

It's too good to be true. ]

Say that bit again. The. We love each other. I know- I've told you I love you but you've never...

First time for everything. [With such a loving grin on his face. Malcolm sits up and faces York fully, looking both bashful and playful at the same time.] We. Love each other. We'd both like to have families. I think it fits. I think we fit.

...Mal. Malcolm.

[ There's a watch he keeps on his wrist for when things like this happens. He clicks the timer and slowly scoots back until he's pressed against the arm of the sofa, swallowing thickly, eyes dropping back down to his knitting. ]

We could fit. Maybe. I love you. I don't know- I don't know that you're saying that because you mean it or if it's the same thing that's getting everything everyone else all wound up and Compliance on top.

[Oh no. Did he offend? What can he do to comfort his boyfriend? Is there more cooking needs done? Pillow fluffed?] Of course I mean it, or I wouldn't say it. Come on. [He reaches out to try and take York's hands.] Tell me what I can do to make it all up to you. Should I whip you up something tasty? Make you a drink? Oh, I know, iron all your shirts!

Don't.

[ Clack- clack click clack click, the knitting needles start to blur under the yarn as intricate fractal knots start spinning out below them. Back and forth, logical and precise- so much simpler than fucking people or fuckingcompliance. ]

Mal- just. Sit and wait it out till you're you again, okay? Okay.

I feel fine. [His hands drop away with a pout. He feels so unfulfilled; doesn't York feel that too? How can he just sit there and wait? There's so much he could do.] Maybe I'll start cleaning that third bedroom. Yes, I'll do that. [Get it ready for the children they may or may not have in the nearish future maybe! He rises from the couch.] And absolutely do that ironing. No sense in you going out with wrinkles on everything.

I don't own anything that needs ironing- Mal. Mal please just don't. Just...sit and put on a movie and don't talk about kids or families or marraiges.

But...there's so much I could do to make things perfect. For us. [But he wants to make York happy.] ...One movie couldn't hurt. [Don't let him pick, York. Don't let him pick or it'll be a romantic chick flick.]

Things don't need to be perfect, Mal. They just need to be.

[ Perfect is what fucked everything up for him before. He wants better, sure, but perfect? Fuck perfect. Perfect drove Carolina to distraction, Perfect tore a sane AI into shattered, insecure, frustrated fragments, Perfect wound a man up so tight he couldn't see what he was doint to his own family- Perfect had them killing each other in the middle of a war when they couldn't afford to lose anyone.

To hell with Perfect. ]

Just. Pop on some James Bond, yeah? Casino Royale. That's a good one, you like that one.

Ngh, no, I don't think so, not now. [He's just not in the mood for a movie he's seen so much. What's a nice sappy romantic movie? The Notebook...?] I'd like things to be perfect. But they can be, too. Whatever you like.

Since when do you turn down James Bond? It's your favorite. [ Okay, not James bond. Um. ] Independance day?

No, no, I thought you were going to let me pick? Something daring and romantic. Something we can really cuddle up with. Let's see what sort of romantic movies they've come up with in the past thousand years...

Oh- um. Okay. Whatever you want boo. [ It'll have explosions. It needs explosions- it's mal, it won't be mal without explosions. ]

[There will not be a single hint or trace of explosions. Except for the emotional kind. Not a one. But at least he's sitting relatively still and cuddled up as best he can? That's something, right? Even if he's itching to clean something. There may even be a sniffle by the end of the movie. He may still deny it.]

...Mal are you okay? [ He's never been this emotinal. Not even COMPLIANCE made him this emotional. ] Can I get you something or do something?

I'm okay. [SNIFFLE. He's not grabbing a tissue what are you talking about.] It's just so beautiful how they found each other again after decades and lightyears apart. Don't you think? It was true love all along.

...

[ Now is not the time to bail. Even if he really, REALLY wants to bail. Like. Jesus this is uncomfortable. True love is- he doesn't wanna say bullshit but only a lot of practice keeps his face blank. ]

Mal a few weeks ago you scoffed at this movie and called it 'sentimental tripe'. Just. Saying. But yes so beautiful. Much love. Very true. Wow.

I wanted to give it a try! [Is it so wrong to broaden his cinematic horizons? He cleans his face up and takes a breath deeply to recentre himself.]

All right. Ironing! That's what I'll do now.

Nnnnnooooo, no no no, no ironing. You need to see- um. THe rest of this director's stuff! Yeah. [ Snuggling. Snuggling ensues, tangling them up as best he can. ] Apparently they get BETTER.

[...More snuggling? He could be doing something more useful than sitting around watching movies...but if it's making York happier that he's here, then--] You want to watch more? You didn't seem very interested. But sure, we can have a little marathon! But that ironing needs done sometime.

[He seems really against it, in fact. Malcolm's look turns sly.] Are you hiding something from me in the closet or the drawers, hmmmmm?

I knew there were better ones.

[ Theoreticlly true. And the music wasn't half bad. ]

There's nothing to Iron, Mal. What you haven't ironed North got to. Between the two of you everything is clean, pressed, and folded.

...

Maybe. Maybe not. Shh.

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