He's so startled that he skitters backwards along the floor, mess be damned. That's him. That's him, but he doesn't remember that happening, and he doesn't know why it happened, but it's him. It's him but it's not.

"I'm..." He doesn't have the words. Especially not for how sorry he is.

He needs to pull himself together. God damn it, get up and make something of yourself. But his body doesn't move except to curl in a little on itself.